By Kika Eller

What is it about a “bad boy” that makes girls
interested? Is it that we like a get-away boy?
Someone who lives life on the
edge?

_When it comes down to it, I know most females really want a solid dude. But still, something about this bad boy that “don’t really need you” keeps us wanting more. Even when all they give is constant rejection. The small amount of time they spend with you drives you crazy and keeps you entranced in an illusion that they care. When in reality, the one who cares is the one calling you everyday to see if you doing okay. Somehow they get in our heads; got us thinking they care when most of the time they really just want someone on the sidelines. They want someone down for them to stick with them through the bullsh*t. But why should we do that? Obviously there’s guys out here with good jobs, they want a solid woman too, but why is it that the “bad boy” is so much more appealing?

Does it have to do with the desire for something you can’t have? Because we all know he won’t
think twice to get in your jeans, but when it comes to being his wifey or even just his girl, most
of the time that’s out of the question. Unless he feels like he’s really getting something out of
it. (Most of the time, is he getting any money out of being with you? Cuz most “bad boys” are
about their doe.)

Or does it have to do with feeling that he has potential to change? Maybe he just had it hard
growing up and needs a hand. But does giving him that hand mean going all out?

On the other hand, some women would never even put up with a guy doing this kind of thing.
What makes a female drawn to this kind of guy in the first place? In most cases, it probably has to do with their upbringing. Maybe they are used to rejection from their parents or other family members and that’s simply what feels familiar. And sometimes, familiarity feels
good. It’s also likely it has a lot to do with media influence. When movies show the girl who
helps the bad boy turn good and they fall in love, it makes us feel like that can be us and we
can do that too. Influence through music also effects out perception of what a relationship should and shouldn’t be. Sometimes growing up without any real role models has us turn to alternatives.

Music often sets examples for what is right and wrong in situations like this. When we hear
songs promoting ballas and down chicks, that’s what the majority if our youth strives to be. Like the song “Drink In My Cup” By Kirko Bangz

‘girl i know how much you really want somebody
want somebody that don't really need you
girl i know how much you really want somebody
want somebody that ain't trying to keep’

What are your thought? In my opinion, no one can get mad or confused as to why this happens, when it’s the only real guidance we get growing up.

by Davina

February 1st until February 29th marks teen dating
violence awareness month. Some teens express there feelings to their partners in
different ways. In this case some teens use violence to express their feelings. 

_Some warning signs to tell if your partner is abusive or may become abusive are
    •    Extreme jealousy
    •    Controlling behavior
    •    Quick involvement
    •    Unpredictable mood swings
    •    Alcohol and drug use
    •    Explosive anger
    •    Isolates you from friends and family
    •    Uses force during an argument               
    •    Shows hypersensitivity
    •    Believes in rigid sex roles
    •    Blames others for his problems or feelings
    •    Cruel to animals or children
    •    Verbally abusive
    •    Abused former partners
    •    Threatens violence

Some signs to tell if your friend may be in a abusive relationship are
    •    Physical signs of injury
    •    Truancy, dropping out of school
    •    Failing grades
    •    Indecision
    •    Changes in mood or personality      
    •    Use of drugs/alcohol
    •    Pregnancy
    •    Emotional outburst
    •    Isolation
           
Things like violence can make a relationship very unhealthy and can cause more that just physical damages. From personal experience, I know that it changes your life and could have a good or bad affect on you. For me it had both affects because after I got out of that violent relationship, I was violent to my partners. It took a while, but I learned to stop. Now I can share my experience with others to help prevent more teen dating violence.  

by Davina
Friday 17, 2012 was a day mapped out
for girls, young ladies, old ladies, LADIES in general. This day was labeled as
g-day ( GIRL DAY ). We also promoted teen dating violence awareness month.

_ A group from girls inc. called Eureka and me, a Youth Radio intern, about a poetry slam at a coffee spot in San Leandro.  All the participants shared personal life stories that related to G-day or teen dating violence. They made up poems about G-day and how they felt about it. It was a big turn out and I was kind of nervous because I was the last person. I took a deep breath before I started reading my poem and didn’t exhale til I was done. After that we stood in a line and we all said different words that we felt described us as girls, young ladies, and women. They also provided healthy snacks and food promoting healthy food. I did enjoy myself at this event because for one this was my first poetry slam, for two I got to represent my job outside of my work place. I also got to practice my networking skills. Hopefully I will get another chance to do something like that again.

 There’s a lot of factors that goes into what makes a person react to a situation with physical violence. But I do think that the biggest factor is the environment that they grew up in. Then again two different people can experience the same situation and come out of it in two completely different ways. For example, if a child sees their dad beat up their mom all the time, they might either react by thinking "I will never hit a woman like my daddy did"/"I will never stay with anyone who hurts me", or they might just grow up thinking that that’s how a man is supposed to handle certain things. Personally, I think the minute a man puts his hands on a woman he is spitting on his manhood. A real man will be able to walk away from anything that gets that heated and never look at that as an option of retaliation. But hey, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think It’s okay for a woman to hit a man either. Unlike some people, I am not a hypocrite. The only difference to me is that in general, men can usually overpower woman and I think when a guy hits a woman as if she was the same size and strength as him … he’s seriously got some problems.

the relationship was 50/50
everything was good and we were clicking
so we took our time
and approached it gently
then it was 30/70
I was putting in work
but you ended it
when you put my face in the dirt
slapping , punching and kicking
screaming , biting , then back to kissing
put up with all your s***
because they said it was called a ride or die chick
in love with myself
I gave up everything but my dignity
put my all into you
and came out with shattered pieces
thought you really cared
but in the end I learned and shared that
love is over rated
that's why I could no longer date it

Poetry By Kika Eller
But your company cradled me when my world was struck with lightning.
Your hands seemed permanent.
...but that was my fault for being gullible,
Like you think I am.

Poetry By Kika Eller

3:00AM and not even a sliver of exhaust.
An aching body and eyes wide open.
Ready... waiting...
I know you think about me
And the way I held you as you drifted asleep.
But I strayed from you and our habitual behavior.
I remember what isn’t far enough to be called memories.
When sweet was often a word I used to describe you.
That seems irrelevant now.
But your company cradled me when my world was struck with lightning.
Your hands seemed permanent.
...but that was my fault for being gullible,
Like you think I am.
Only love became part of the equation,
a factor that only slowed the process.
But you had so much to lose...
And I realized that I didn’t.
I was your other half.
You were my shell,
keeping me from growing and knowing the rest of the world.
I focused so much on your legs
That I forgot I had my own that work just fine.
You wanted a pet, you could put in a cage.
I wanted someone to share my love and life with.
You don’t own me,
And I don’t need you.

_Everyone knows and can see that celebrities have a lot of power over their fans. Whether it’s sports teams, superheros or singers, media plays a huge role in society. However, what if you read ‘Dude, Chris brown can punch me in the face as much as he wants to, just as long as he kisses it (:’

_Wouldn’t you think that there is something seriously wrong? First of all, I would think that it’s common sense that if your partner hits you, that’s not a healthy relationship. Well it seems like it’s not that simple. I forgot to take into account that love is blind. Yet, it also seems that not only is love blind, but fame and cute singers are okay to do anything as long as they make it up by kissing the bruises.

Just because someone is famous doesn’t make it okay to hit another person. People should never have the right to put their hands on another person just because of how much money they make, how they look and who they are. It’s Valentine’s Day, so please spread the love and the knowledge of a healthy relationship.

A lot of males spouses ask themselves every year “Why I just got to buy her something for Valentine’s Day and she don’t got to buy me nothing?” Some believe that Valentine’s  Day is originally created for the males to show their spouse some love, affection, and how much they appreciate them. When in reality it was created for both spouses to show some form of appreciation towards each other.

_I believe the reason people think only males are suppose to buy the gifts is because that’s what society/media want us to think. That’s why Valentine’s gift or candy is colored or wrapped in red/pink. They know a lot of straight males wouldn’t ask nor accept a pink covered gift or red roses from their spouse. They really don’t have to say anything about dinner because males “supposedly” suppose to pay for the meal anyway on a regular bases. So basically all the money that’s getting spent is by the males. But don’t get me wrong there is some wonderful females spouses that go and buy a non Valentine’s Day gift that doesn’t contains a teddy bear, chocolate, flowers, card, etc. for their man. All those females are good spouses to their spouse.

HIV/AIDS is a huge problem and, sadly, African American women make up the majority of cases.  In 2009 57% of new infections in the US were black women, which means that HIV/AIDS in the black community is a big thing. Women of color have high rates of some STIs. Having an STI can make a person more susceptible to HIV. I feel that all people should get tested for STI/STDs often, regardless of ethnicity, because all people are at risk.

• Of the total number of new HIV infections in US women in 2009, 57% occurred in blacks, 21% were in whites, and 16% were in Hispanics/Latinas.
• In 2009, the rate of new HIV infections among black women was 15 times that of white women, and over 3 times the rate among Hispanic/Latina women.

I learned in my research that using drugs is a risk factor for contracting HIV/AIDS, especially if you are injecting drugs into your body using needles.  All drug users may be more likely to have unprotected sex under the influence of drugs or alcohol. This is something that I really understand, because drugs affect all people in different ways, and can cause people to choices while they’re under the influence, that they wouldn’t otherwise make. For women living with a diagnosis of HIV infection, the most common methods of transmission were high-risk heterosexual contact and injection drug use.

• Young people aged 13–29 accounted for 39% of all new HIV infections in 2009.
• An estimated 8,294 young persons were diagnosed with HIV infection in 2009 in the 40 states with long-term HIV reporting, representing about 20% of the persons diagnosed during that year.
• Young adults, both male and female, who have experienced sexual abuse, are more likely to engage in sexual or drug-related risk behaviors that could put them at risk for HIV infection.

In 2009 young people counted for 39% of all new HIV infections, which I feel is a big problem. All teens, whoever they are, wherever they live need to take the threat of HIV (the virus that causes AIDS) seriously. I feel that youth need to be educated about HIV/AIDS; how the virus works, how they can protect themselves and places they can access testing and contraceptives confidentially. Education is a huge problem; condom education and prevention programming is something I feel should be put in all schools because HIV/AIDS is a worldwide problem. My research stated that young people are at the centre of the global AIDS epidemic. Of the 1.7 billion young people worldwide, 5.4 million are estimated to be living with HIV (2007). I found this shocking because it is such a high number of young people, even though people have known about the virus since the 1980’s. My research stated that by 2010 at least 95 percent of young men and women aged 15 to 24 years had access to information, education and services necessary to develop the life skills required to reduce their vulnerability to HIV infection. I feel that this is a good start, promoting safe sex is a good thing for teens so they will always be prepared for the future and be educated about HIV/AIDS but I was also reminded how important it is to be sure that the information they’re receiving is accurate and useful.

• Having sex (vaginal, anal, or oral) with a man or woman who is infected with HIV unprotected anal sex is the riskiest.
• The disease caused by HIV that attacks and destroys a person's immune system until it is not able to fight off infection.

I learned that HIV attacks a person’s immune system. We all get sick and we need our immune system to stay strong and live a healthy life. Scientists and doctors have been researching HIV/AIDS since 1985. It has been said that HIV/AIDS is one of the most serious, deadly diseases in human history ever and I find it scary that we’re living in the age of AIDS. HIV/AIDS attaches to the CD4 cells.  The virus then infects the cells and uses them as a place to multiply. In my research I learned that the virus destroys the ability of the infected cells to do their job in the immune system, so the body loses the ability to fight many infections. Also, even when the person infected has no symptoms, it is still possible for them to infect others, which is why it’s really important to get tested every 6 months and protect yourself. People who have AIDS tend to keep getting sicker, especially if they are not taking their medications properly. Overtime, their immune system can become severely damaged. 

Today is Black HIV/AIDS awareness day, but HIV/AIDS affects everyone.  It is important for all of us to be aware, all the time, about what we do that puts us at risk for contracting the virus and to learn about how to be safe.  Be the boss of you and do what you need to do to protect yourself.

For more information, please check out our HIV/AIDS 101 page http://www.weebly.com/weebly/main.php#and visit the websites I used for my research:

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/default.htm

http://www.cdc.gov/Features/BlackHIVAIDSAwareness/

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/basic/index.htm

http://www.who.int/features/factfiles/hiv/en/index.html

http://www.avert.org/